Writing, feeling.

I’m so pleased with the songs I’ve been writing lately. Enchiridion of Nightmares was my release of heartbreak and mostly anger and fear, hence the horror themes. In a strange sense, when I was writing the album, it felt like I lost myself to my anger and fear of losing more than I already had. I explored new levels of danger in myself. “Zombie” is a great example of that. Never thought I’d write a song like that in my life. It was a time of self-discovery, growth, and recovery. That album was honestly just a massive therapy session that I had been needing for a while, so it went to some scary parts of my brain at times. I’m proud as hell of it though, and I’m glad I went through what I did because otherwise those songs wouldn’t exist. So worth it.

The music I’ve been working on recently reminds me very much of the music I was making when I played by myself. It has a very ballad-like feel to it, and it feels like me again. The lyrics aren’t about resentment or anger or any of those negative feelings or thoughts that were weighing me down for so long. By no means is that saying that I’m no longer a “sad girl” or that I’m writing party pop songs now. No. I’m just writing about the present, what I’m feeling and experiencing around me right now. It’s sad but not hopeless, and I love that. I feed off of my sadness in that way. Don’t feel bad for me, it’s how I make music and I NEED it. Haha

I wrote a few instrumentals about a month ago that I just sat on for a while because I felt nervous about writing the lyrics that I wanted to write to them. I wasn’t sure how they’d be interpreted, if I was pushing some boundaries with the topics, etc. While we were on tour I basically told myself to quit being afraid and to just write whatever the hell I want to be writing about. I ended up completing lyrics for a song while we were on the road. I guess one thing I’ve been learning lately is to stop letting fear consume me. So I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve and writing about what’s really on my mind and in my heart. And I don’t care what anyone will have to say about it, because it’s allowing me to express things that I can’t openly talk about otherwise, and that’s what music has always been for me, it’s my voice and my platform to express myself and deal with my ridiculous life and the obstacles it throws at me.

Michelle and I have been collaborating on a couple of new songs, and hooooly shit do they sound cool. Even with just the piano. She’s so talented and adds to much ornamentation to the melodies I bring to the table and we’re even adding layers of piano lines which I am beyond stoked on. And she knows the things I’m wanting to write about because heck she’s my best friend and I tell her everything so I can freely sing the words that I’m feeling and not worry about it, which is making these songs so raw and honest. Damn I’m so excited. Thanks for making music with me, Shell. 💙

Even though we’re strapped in for the next storm, the ride of Enchiridion of Nightmares is not over. That album is too damn important to me and I can’t wait to bring out more layers of it. Look out for cool shit coming soon.

(I’m talking about the album on IndieSceneRadio.com tomorrow at 5pm Denver time. And the album will be played in its entirety. Tune in if you’re interested.)

If you read all of this, I love you. Have a good rest of your week, Stormchasers.

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