I know that I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past. I’m also very aware that I still continue to make mistakes. But I’ve come to the point where I can just accept that about myself. Where I can learn from every mistake and move on. What’s been done can’t be undone, so you just have to move past it. I think I focus too much on pleasing others. I focus too much about what other people think of me, my band, and our music. I often even worry what the people closest to me think of me, and I’m learning that all of this worrying is just my anxiety screaming at me. It’s a hard scream to ignore, but once you recognize it, you can control the volume. I’m learning to stop dwelling on the past, to stop punishing myself for every mistake, and to move forward with grace. I’m slowly beginning to trust people again, and to be more communicative with the people in every aspect of my life. It’ll take time for me to fully get there, but at least progress is being made.
I wrote the majority of our next album in less than a day. I came home from work one day and felt in my bones that I was going to finish the album right then, and I did. But now as I’m going back and making revisions, I’m thinking less about what other people will think of it, and more about what I want to get from it, and I enjoy this feeling a lot more. I think album has been my best work thus far, which I wouldn’t be able to complete nearly as well without my magnificent bandmates. I can’t wait to share it with you guys.